


I'm Barely Holding On

by IZKitty



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Heartbreak, Lost Love, One Night Stands, Regret, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 07:14:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14744330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IZKitty/pseuds/IZKitty
Summary: This is why my computer should be confiscated after 3 am...I get the weirdest desires to write fic! Oh, well...hope you enjoy this little drabble while I figure out wtf I'm doing inBlood and Cookies. Thanks for your support, it means the world to me!~





	I'm Barely Holding On

He should have never gone through with it.

It was plaguing Dan’s mind, the memory of a steamy night in the sheets clear as day behind closed eyes. The smell of your skin, your hot body pressed flush against his as you’d both driven each other to a climax he had once been certain was reserved for porn stars and celebrities. Real famous people, not the kind that sung about dicks all day and played video games well into the twilight hour. It wasn’t like him in the slightest to want something so informal, to the point where not even names were exchanged. Just a glance across the bar and a meeting of eyes in a silent contract, one that had led him to a reasonably nice hotel room and the most passionately beautiful lovemaking session he had ever experienced in his life. Desperation makes fools of us all from time to time.

But now...now he was pining.

If he could pinpoint it, Dan had known he was boned the first time he’d caught himself thinking about your smile during a lull in episodes. It had come as such a shock he’d nearly fallen over on the couch right in front of his friend, the same one who had come up with the whole “one night stand” idea in the first place. Well, in Arin’s defense, he’d framed it as a joke. Only in the hands of someone as sexually driven as Danny Sexbang’s alter ego would it become a regretful reality.

“Dude, you okay?” Seemed that Arin had been paying more attention than usual. Their bond made it easy to see without words when something about the other was off. The soulful link was commonplace, but Dan still felt an endearing sense of comfort in it. That is, until now. “C’mon, you can tell your big cat. What’s got you staring into space?”

“Uh...space?” Dan snarked back, giggling genuinely at the smirk it got out of his friend. After a beat, he continued, “I-I dunno, it’s...it’s stupid, man. You don’t wanna hear about it.” The singer looked away, suddenly interested in a dent on the wall a few feet away from the couch, possibly a fist imprint from a classic Arin freakout over some frustratingly hard Sonic game.

One glance back at the bearded man told Danny that Arin was far from satisfied with that response. “...Okay, now I absolutely have to fuckin’ know,” he tried again, more eager than ever to get his best friend to open up. “You know I won’t judge you, Dan. Is it about a girl? If so my answer is, ‘Yes, I will wreck your asshole.’”

The last sentence, blended so seamlessly in with the rest, caused Dan’s retort to die on his lips, replaced with another fit of uncontrollable laughter. “First off, you’re not a girl,” he chuckled, jabbing a playful finger into Arin’s chest before continuing. “Second, if you must know...it is about a...a lady friend. A-A different one, you don’t know her.”

“Ooo, someone’s in loooove,” the younger man teased, chuckling softly at the blush that adorned Dan’s cheeks at his taunting. “I’m kidding. But seriously, good for you. Is she hot?”

“I- ...Yes, Arin. She’s super-hot.” Danny rolled his eyes, the smirk never leaving his face even when Arin hissed out a quiet ‘yessss’ to himself. It faded almost instantly, however, when he timidly added, “I-I don’t know who she is, though. I mean, I don’t even know her name.” He fiddled with his thumbs as he spoke, unable to look at the confused expression on his friend’s face.

“That’s...so not like you, Dan. If I’m not prying, can I ask how that happened? You didn’t get wasted with this girl and sleep with her, did you?” It was amazing how quickly Arin could turn off his joke switch, surprisingly calm and collected when he wanted to be. The sound of his smooth baritone pitch both comforted and floored Dan all at once.

Sighing softly, the singer sat back on the couch, threading his fingers through his hair before getting them tangled on a few curls and then stopping altogether. “Well...remember that one night stand idea we kicked around last week? When I mentioned I haven’t slept with anything but my own hand for the past four months?” To some, that seemed like next to nothing. But Dan wasn’t about to deny his body what felt good.

Arin held a single index finger in the air, eyebrows raised as he pointed it at Danny. “Uh...slow your roll on the blame game, bro. I was fucking kidding. Did you actually go through with it?” When his question was met with silence, the larger male seemed taken aback, growing more somber as he whispered out a quiet, “Oh.”

“I know, it was really fucking stupid of me,” Dan whined, curling his knees up to his chest as he hugged them against his body. “I wish I could take it back, but I can’t. And now I have feelings for this girl, Arin. Genuine feelings that I can’t just deny away. Believe me, I’ve fucking tried.” Placing his face in his hands, the curly haired man let out a low groan of despair. “Isn’t that fucked? I’m in love with someone and I don’t even know her name.”

“Well...yeah. I was thinking more of the ‘STD’ side of the danger coin, but let’s work on the love thing first, I guess,” Arin mumbled, not even batting an eye when Dan’s head snapped up to give him an incredulous look. “Don’t give me that stare. You said it yourself, ‘I don’t want gonno-’ ...gonorrherpes… What was it again?”

“Gonorr-herpa-syphilis,” Dan corrected quickly, sitting up from his slouched position to reach for his water bottle. “And yes, I know that sleeping with someone without asking about that stuff was really dumb of me, too. But we did use protection. I’m not completely stupid, Arin.” After taking a swig, he set the plastic bottle back down, staring right through it as he thought back to you again. “I just wish there was a way to reach her.”

Pausing for a moment in thought, Arin then asked, “Does she know what you do for a living, at least? Maybe she’ll come across you on the internet somewhere.” It was a situation that Dan had replayed in his mind several times already; a vivid image of you appearing at a random meet and greet, or even one of the live shows or concerts. He would be so happy to see you again, he would throw all caution to the wind and hug you right there in front of hundreds of fans. The fantasy had been getting him by the past few weeks. And the thought of another round under the covers with you had guided him through several solo sessions in the wee hours of the morning. If he knew it, your name would be the only word spilling from his lips in those hot, desperate few moments before sunrise.

He was brought back to reality by Arin shaking his shoulder, and he gave his friend an apologetic smile. “It’s obviously crossed my mind a few times, dude,” he lamented. “But it’s probably never gonna happen. She was around my age, I was sure of that. I doubt she’s into a ton of social media. And even if she is, what’s the chance she’s gonna see our show or bands and go, ‘Hey, isn’t that the guy I fucked one night and bailed on the next morning? I should totally look him up, that’s why I left nothing but a “thank you” note for him on the nightstand.’”

“Duuude, you got the goodbye note? Like, with the kiss on the corner and shit? I thought that kind of stuff was only in the movies,” Arin commented. Sinking back into the seemingly never ending depths of the sofa, the singer let out a soft sigh before nodding his head.

“That makes two of us,” he mumbled glumly.

~~~

As the days wore on, Danny was slowly trying to wipe you from his mind every minute of the day. But no matter how hard he attempted - with work and songwriting and even a few meaningful dates with other women- you still wove your way into his brain. If only it had been this easy to get you to stay in reality.

He knew he was losing it, and while his friends were an endless well of support, Dan wasn’t the type to burden others with his own mistakes. He took their advice when asked, of course, whether it be more far fetched schemes to find you or ways to get you out of his head. But for the most part, he worried alone, burning the candle at both ends to possibly reset his memory like his overworked computer.

Finally, Suzy had seen enough.

“All right, when’s the last time you’ve gotten sleep, mister?” Her tone was incredibly motherly, so much so that it didn’t feel right for Dan to even attempt to lie to her. So instead, he tried a joke.

“Uh...what day is it?” he chuckled softly, the bags under his eyes telling the raven haired woman all she needed to know. 

With a soft sigh, Suzy lifted the exasperated singer out of his chair, ignoring his weak whine of protest. “I don’t wanna hear it, Dan. You’re gonna work yourself into a hospital bed if you don’t take care of yourself. I know you’re bummed about your lost love, but it’s not healthy to do this to your body or mind. Do you think this girl would want you working yourself to death over her?”

Dan frowned before staring down at his shoes, shaking his head solemnly. Nodding quietly, Suzy then rested him back on the office couch, its larger size more fitting as a temporary bed. With a pillow tucked under his head and a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, the curly haired man couldn’t help the thankful smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Thanks, Suze,” he muttered softly, drifting off almost immediately.

~~~

Dan found himself back at the same bar he’d been in dozens of times in his dreams, staring down into the bottle he’d been nursing all night as he began to overthink things. It’s what his brain was best at, after all. _This is stupid, Arin wasn’t even serious about it. I should just go home while I still have my dignity._ Just before he could pass the idea to his feet, however, the door to the bar opened, and you sauntered in. Your outfit was casual; not revealing, but not exactly leaving everything to the imagination either. You know you looked good, and that piqued Danny’s interest immediately.

“I’ll take an ale over here,” you called out, holding a hand up until the bartender got around to your bar stool. The lovestruck singer couldn’t take his eyes off of you, you were just so confident and collected, so certain about the way you carried yourself. It was honestly a bit of a turn on.

Finally, you felt his eyes burning holes into you, and your gaze turned, causing his to shift back down to the lip of his beer bottle. A lilting melody filled the air as he heard you giggle, and his head snapped back up to see that you were smiling over at him. It was like staring into the gates of Heaven. Immediately, Danny felt his cheeks flush red, and he silently cursed his easily stimulated body. Without a word, you paid your tab, moving from your seat towards the bathroom in the back of the building. As you passed by Dan, he felt something get slipped into his pocket, a quick rummage revealing that you’d written down an address and hotel room for him to follow. There was a moment’s pause as he wondered first if you could read minds, then if you were a hooker. The second was tossed from his thoughts in an instant. You seemed too innocent for that...maybe a cop disguised as a hooker. He deduced that he would wind up on a rerun of Cops eventually if he decided to follow you.

Which was why the singer was surprised when his body stood, paying for the forgotten drink before heading out towards the “no-tell” hotel. He would just scope out the place, make sure it wasn’t in a neighborhood that held a fifty-fifty chance he would wake up the next morning without an engine or all four of his tires...or a kidney.

When he pulled up, Danny did a double check to make sure he had the right place. It wasn’t the swankiest hotel, but well sustained enough for one to spend a weekend retreat in. Or in his case, an unceremonious one night stand. Those three words hung heavy in his mind. Was he really about to do this?

As if by magic, you appeared from afar, walking in with the air of someone who did this sort of thing a lot. _Definitely going to end up of an episode of Cops,_ he thought.

Gulping nervously, he exited the car, moving so seamlessly up to the correct room it was like he was floating. You answered on the third knock, shirt already off to reveal a lacy black bra. “A few things you probably wanna know about me. No, I’m not a prostitute. Yes, I think you’re attractive enough to fuck without question. And this doesn’t have to get any more personal than you want it to.”

There was a long stretch of silence as you pulled him into the room, and he stunningly found his hands reaching down to remove his belt and jeans. Your fingers stretched out to stop him, opting to do it for him as you sat down on the bed. “...I didn’t think this kind of thing actually happened outside of pornos, to be totally honest,” he finally chuckled, relieved when you shot him a smirk in return.

“I could tell you wanted the same thing as me; a bit of hot sex without context. How long has it been for you? Three months for me.” You undressed him completely as you spoke, and Dan didn’t even question the fact that you were so much more communicative this time around. The only time he’d heard your voice before this moment was when you were gasping for more of him, limbs tangled in a beautiful mess of passion.

“Four for me,” he finally replied, realizing that you were waiting to hear his answer. It was just so easy to get lost in the sound of your voice, the sight of your soft skin and beautiful locks of hair. 

Your [e/c] eyes widened at his confession, letting out a low whistle of amazement. “You’re way stronger than me, I’ve never been that long without sex,” you admitted, and he was surprised to see your cheeks flush red. “I haven’t stopped thinking of you after that night. Knowing that you feel the same is so relieving, I had no idea. I’m glad you contacted me.”

“Wait…huh? ’Contacted?’ We just met.” Dan was thoroughly confused. Wasn’t this just between the two of you? Suddenly, the world around him seemed to shift, and he felt his body being dragged back to consciousness against his will. “Wait, n-no! I want to know your name! Please!”

Your smile dissolved into darkness as you softly whispered, “Then wake up, Dan.”

~~~

Danny’s eyes snapped open, sitting bolt upright on the couch as he scanned the room. It was only when he focused on the curved end of the sofa that his heart stopped in his chest, the sight of you sitting there with Suzy enough to get it beating again.

“Oh, Dan! You’re awake! I brought a pal of yours over to visit,” Suzy said giddily, unable to hide her Cheshire grin. “I messaged her on Instagram, turns out she was looking for you too. Isn’t that sweet?”

You flushed as you shushed the other woman, more good-naturedly than rude as your embarrassment shone through your collected visage. “W-w-well, I mean...when your roommate finds out you boned Danny Sexbang, it’s either tie up loose ends or hear her gush about it for the rest of your life,” you laughed, and he thanked his lucky stars and everything above that he was just famous enough to get on your friend’s radar.

“Wow! That’s crazy, I was just thinking- I-I mean, I dreamed that maybe the team could find- ...You know what? I’m just gonna stop talking,” Dan finally chuckled, nervous about saying the wrong thing and scaring you off. But it seemed you’d been just as eager to find him. That was a good sign...right?

Your expression soured a bit at his words, shaking your head as you reached your hand out to grab his. It was just as warm as he remembered… “N-no, please keep talking. I want to hear your voice, now that I’m here with you.”

There was a quiet ‘aww’ to Dan’s left, and he suddenly realized that Suzy was still in the room. Glancing over at her in a silent plea, the raven haired woman kindly rolled her eyes before standing. “Oh, look at me behaving like a third wheel. I’ll let you lovebirds get all caught up,” she cooed, giggling at the sight of her friend so bashful.

After the door was closed, you turned your attention back to the singer. “I watched a few episodes of Game Grumps. You and Arin are hilarious! Not to mention astoundingly deep when you want to be.” Pausing in thought, you then added softly, “But I don’t want that to be the you I know, I wanna get acquainted with the real you.” A smile tugged at your lips as you pulled away for a beat, reaching your outstretched palm towards him once more. “My name is [y/n].”

It was all he’d ever wanted out of this. Just a name, no other contact aside from a possible chat over coffee. At least, that’s what he’d told himself in all the weeks that had led to this exact moment. And yet...somehow Dan knew that wouldn’t be enough to satiate him. Not by a long shot.

“...Dan, or Danny if you’d like,” he replied, taking your hand to shake properly. It was like meeting all over again for the first time. “Hey, this is gonna sound nuts, but...do you wanna just forget that first night together ever happened?” It hurt to say, the memory of your body nestled so perfectly in his embrace hard to give up, even while you sat in front of him. But the singer knew that it was the healthiest way to renew your budding relationship, and for someone like you, he was willing to set desires aside.

“...Yes, that might be for the best,” you muttered, clearly a little upset by the thought of repressing that time together as well. It was short lived, however, when you shot him a small smile. “You free tonight? I’d love to catch up on all the stuff normal people bullshit about on dates,” you joked, and Dan laughed along with you.

“I think I can swing that. How about dinner and a movie?” he responded. You smiled from ear to ear, nodding eagerly as the two of you exchanged numbers. After more promises to text each other until nightfall, you left the Grump space, leaving Danny on cloud nine as he finished the work day with a bottomless ocean of energy.

~~~

“I had a great time tonight,” you said sweetly, standing on the front step of your house as Dan smiled down at you.

“Same here, it was great getting to know you better, [y/n],” he replied, taming his thoughts down as well as he could manage. It was proving harder than usual, the memory of your curvy form still drilling into his mind, despite his best efforts.

His train of thought derailed completely when you broke the silence by asking him, “...Would you like to come in?”

After another lengthy pause, he gave you a coy smirk, believing that you were merely kidding around with him. “Thought we were gonna forget about that first night? If I go in there with you, there’s a one hundred percent chance I will want to sleep with you again,” he chided playfully, smirk fading a bit when your expression didn’t change. In fact, you seemed even more lost in contemplation than before.

“I think I’m okay with that.” Your voice was shockingly neutral, relaxed even as you grinned at his stunned reaction to your confession. “Look, I still can’t get you out of my head, and I have a feeling your mind is in the same place.” Taking his hand, you then added, “Squeeze my hand if I’m wrong, and I’ll give you nothing more than a kiss goodnight and a promise to call you in the morning.”

There was one final stretch of stillness between the two of you, eye contact never wavering for a moment, and with no more than a soft smile in Dan’s direction, you tugged the singer forward, lips locking like two lovers who hadn’t seen each other in years. Parting only for air, the two of you then disappeared into the house, finally ready to enjoy each other’s company in the one way you truly desired.

**Author's Note:**

> This is why my computer should be confiscated after 3 am...I get the weirdest desires to write fic! Oh, well...hope you enjoy this little drabble while I figure out wtf I'm doing in **Blood and Cookies**. Thanks for your support, it means the world to me!~


End file.
